JOKES

Dog Watch
Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?" Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."

The Boss

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his
boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."

Time
SURD: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?" MAN: "It's 3:15." SURD: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

The Burnt Ears
One day a man was going on the street. He met a man who asked him what had happened to his ears as both ears covered with bandages. He said: "I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell rang. Instead of picking up the phone, i pick up the iron, so i burnt my ear." The man asked "So what happened to your other ear?" He said "That same stupid guy called again"

What part did you get?
This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father. His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get? He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years. His father congratulated him. And then he said "That's good son, maybe next time you'll get a talking role!"

Elevator Magic

A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your mom!"

Hotel Ka Khana
Customer : Bhai kab se wait ker raha hoon khana abhi tak tayyar nahi howa? Hotel Wala : Bhai sahab kahan tu 3 din pehlay se tayyar hai bas gharam ho raha hai.

2 Pagal
Pehla Pagal : Ager tum batao kay is Box mein kia hai tu ye anday tumhara aur ager tum ye bata du kay ye kitnay anday hain tu 5 kay 5 tumharay aur ager tum ye bata dogay ye kis kay anday hain tu wo morgi bhi tumhari. Dosra Pagal : Yaar koi hint tu du.

Clever
Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon? Pupil: Moon... Teacher : Why? Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it.

Germs
Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called? Student: I don't know. Teacher: They r called Turks, now What r the people of Germany called? Student: They r called Germs.

Disney Password
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. "Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."